Narnia

Sarcasm is a thing of beauty...

2008-07-19T13:44:31Z

Both of these are REAL letters!! The first one was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania discussing some concerns. The second one is Ryan DeVries' response to the concerns. You MUST read both (the entire letter!) in order!! Trust me, it's worth it!! :D

State of Pennsylvania's letter to Mr. DeVries:

SUBJECT: DEQ
File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Pu blic Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2007.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price
District
Representative and Water Management Division.

Re: DEQ File
No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr.Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/06 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania.

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials 'debris.'

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.

(Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several dam concerns. My first dam concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.

The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names. If you want the damed stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live an d enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2007? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU,

RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

candycentric @ 2008-07-09T13:14:00

2008-07-09T18:14:59Z

It's official! I no longer work at the Zoo. Now, just to find another job...

Fics I will never write meme

2008-07-07T21:51:18Z

Name three fics you think I will never, ever, ever write. In return(and if inspired), I will attempt to write a snippet of one of them.

DA, Smallville, Roswell or BTVS fandom please.

candycentric @ 2008-07-07T11:16:00

2008-07-07T16:22:25Z

If anyone is interested, I've added tons to my list of helpful graphic tuts. There's a huge mixture, but the majority are translatable to most programs and almost all are Gimp friendly.

Find the updated list HERE.

Book Meme

2008-06-26T14:24:53Z

Book meme, taken from </a></a></b></a></div>yoyo365

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them
5) And I'm gonna put the ones I OWN in red!!!

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier - I ADORE this book! And, I found the sequel a couple months ago can't wait to read it!!
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis - AWESOME series!
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas - All time favorite book EVER.
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

When I grow up...

2008-06-26T04:59:45Z

When I grow up and my pimp kabbiebar is a billionaire, I plan on sitting at his computer all day and completely blowing his money on Ebay. Oh wait, people are already doing that...

The followin items someone has either bought, or has bid on.

1938 Hobbit 1st US Printing 1st Issue by Tolkien. How much? $2,689.00
Gasp factor: Not the worst I've seen. Tolkien is pretty popular after all the LOTR hoopla. I bet this would have gone for double that 4 years ago though.

Paul Evans wall console . How much? $1,495.00
Gasp factor: Big. $1500 for a wall shelf? HA!

KOBERGER 1478 FOLIO BIBLE ILLUMINATED Incunabula. How much? $19,400.00
Gasp factor: Fatal. I don't care what you say or how old and fancy it is. $20,000 for a bible? *faints*

Alcoholics Anonymous First Edition, First Printing 1939. How much? $11,600.00
Gasp factor: I'm completely speechless...

One of a kind guitar, signed by Bo Didley and Eddie Van Halen. How much? $100,00.00
Gasp factor? *is choking*

Oh! And, don't worry Kabbie - I've planned for our future. An above ground crypt for two! In beautifil Fresno, California! only $20,000! (you MUST look at the PS note on this listing. Very sincere, no?)

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

2008-06-20T14:32:39Z

WARNING!! This want to meant to offend anyone, but PLEASE do not read any further if you are easily offended!

IMPORTANT QUESTION: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The
chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need
to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other
side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross
the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right
from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it
deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn ' t about
me.......

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won ' t realize that he
must first deal with the problem on ' THIS ' side of the road before it goes
after the problem on the ' OTHER SIDE ' of the road. What we need to
do is help him realize how stupid he ' s acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT'
problems before adding ' NEW ' problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I ' m
going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don ' t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is
either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite
image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!
It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken ' s
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he ' s GUILTY! You can see it
in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer ' s Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I ' ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can ' t you people see the plain truth? '
That ' s why they call it the ' other side. ' Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I
say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like ' the
other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It ' s as
plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn ' t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn ' t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check
book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new
platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% .......... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of
chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

Fic meme

2008-06-12T16:12:36Z

This one's snagged from eowyn_315. She picked 18 of her fics... I don't have quite that many, so I just did 15. :)

The following are some first lines from my fics. If you want to play, pick whichever one tickles your fancy, write a ficlet or a drabble with the same first line and leave it in my comments. (And if the muse strikes, I might even drabble back at you.) Feel free to take as many liberties as you wish.

What Max Said: It was only supposed to be an easy retrieval mission, or at least that’s what Max said.

Life and Times: The first time he called, she ended up falling over a chair and almost dropping the phone in her hurry to talk to him.

Death Comes Swiftly: The determined huntress slowly crept through the room, focusing intently on the soft sounds coming from under the dining room table.

Honestly Ok: It’s been three months since my heart stopped, yet sitting here I find I die a little bit more each day.

In The Beginning: It had started like any other day.

Sparks: The last three months hadn’t been kind to him.

Romeo, Oh Romeo: "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

So Damn Tired: Alec was tired. (hehe. Don't my superb writing skills just amaze you? lol.)

Mr. Sexy: Typically only requiring two or three hours a night of rest, Max knew it wouldn’t have even been a problem on another day.

Untitled #1: She knew snapping at him would only make it worse and that wasn't what she wanted.

Untitled #2: "Everyone knows the Yankee's are God's team!"

Untitled #3: Sketchy wasn't the type that believed in fate.

Untitled #4: "You can't be serious!"

Untitled #5: The desperate cries filled the night air, only fueling his desperate search to find her.

Untitled #6: The grave site was beautiful.

As a side note in case you're wondering, the last 6 have been sitting unfinished in my fic notebbok for years. But, that way you guys have a bigger collection to choose from. Now, go do this meme in your own journal so I can drabble somebody!! That's an order!! :P

Installing A Husband

2008-06-11T19:09:08Z

Dear Tech support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

Do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

We also recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

Crazy meme

2008-06-11T17:04:40Z

Taken from </a></a></b></a>

merykey

You are in a mall when the zombies attack. You have:

1. one weapon.
2. one song blasting on the speakers.
3. one famous person to fight alongside you.

Weapon can be real or fictional. Person can be real or fictional.

* * * * *

1. The ability, to kill a yak, from 300 miles away - with MIND BULLETS!!!.
2. 'Whip It' by Devo. Cause I will whip them, and whip them good!.
3. Snuffalufagus - the elephant from Sesame Street. He will paralyze them will his mighty trumpeting call to arms and crush their noses with his toes's! Woohaw!!

Why, yes - I am an odd duck. thank you for noticing.</div>

OMG. Genius!

2008-06-05T01:22:27Z

Listen to this excerpt from a story I just read:

My entire life, I’ve been told I’m a shitty, useless prat. Family, friends, ex-lovers, and strangers have relentlessly pounded this sentiment into my head for years.

But most humbly, I beg to fuckin’ differ.

Certain unsavory qualities about myself notwithstanding, I’d say I’m a bloke with plenty to offer. There are redeeming and dare I say, profound aspects about me that people are just too bloody dense to recognize. For instance, I possess the ability to do the following:

1) Beat any video game in under six hours, tops. Not kidding. Don’t try throwing one of those nancy-boy RPGs in my face, though. I’m not an orc-oogler.
2) Give you a heavily annotated and comprehensive history on the following subjects: punk music, football hooliganism in the UK, Manchester United (Arsenal can suck a dead rat’s nutsac if you ask me) and English poets from the Romantic Period (that’s right, I’ve got layers).
3) Cook up the best plate of bangers and mash from here to Wales.
4) Keep a clean house. A proclivity towards hooliganism and overall violence aside, I am a well-kept man with well-kept things. I never leave those bloody glass rings on the coffee table or litter skid-marked underwear about the flat.
5) Compile everything significant in my life into lists. You might call it compartmentalizing, I call it bloody succinct.

Uh. I guess that’s it.

Still, I think all that makes me a decent fellow. At least far better than say, pedophiles, rapists and Trekkies. But no, my loved ones and contemporaries, seemingly oblivious to these admirable traits, still deem me the dreaded shitty useless prat. What’s their reasoning, you ask?

Well. I just happen to be afflicted with a typical male disease. Disease being “can’t-keep-a-girlfriend-itis”.

I suppose the fact that my most recent love of two years just left yesterday doesn’t do much to disprove this theory. But in my defense, all I can say is . . .

It’s not my fault, you fucks.

Yes, I can be domineering, reckless, cynical, insecure, arrogant, cocky, non-committal, devious, stubborn and at times, all out moronic, but thing is – I didn’t get like this on my own. I had a little help along the way to start me down this bitter path. It might sound churlish, but this all their fault. Women, that is. They started it. I could have been Mr. Right Ten Times Over if it wasn’t for the years of degradation at their hands.

PS: Trekkie comment is love :)

OMG

2008-04-30T14:33:42Z

You have got to watch this!! Turn on the sound and be sure to check out the very ending!

A Rocking Cockatoo!

This just makes me depressed...

2008-04-30T14:27:03Z

Totally TRUE story...

All Linda Katz had to do was step outside of her house to make thousands on the Internet. Now the Midwestern entrepreneur is building a business selling a piece of the old west online: tumbleweeds.

Linda started her online business, the Prairie Tumbleweed Farm, as a joke. It was 1994 and she wanted to teach herself how to design a website. Since she lived on the prairie in southwest Kansas, where rolling tumbleweeds are sometimes the only dynamic feature of an endless flat horizon, she invented a farm that sold tumbleweeds, listing prices at $15 for a small one, $20 for a medium and $25 for large.

Lucky for her, some people didn't get the joke. People emailed the site wanting to buy them. But even then Linda doubted she would be able to spin this straw into gold. "When I got an order I was just amazed," she says, sitting on the porch of her home in Garden City, Kansas. "And each order I got, I thought it would probably be the last order. I remember thinking they would probably get them and send them back immediately as soon as they find out what they are."

But that didn't happen. In fact, the orders just kept coming -- an average of 15 per week. Though she's coy about her annual income from tumbleweed wrangling, she says it is over $40,000 a year. Not bad for a bunch of dead, dried-up weeds. Who buys them? Well, says Katz, rocket scientists, for one. NASA purchased tumbleweeds when they were designing their Mars Tumbleweed rover. "And if you go to their site on the NASA site to the tumbleweed rover, and you go to their links, they say that they only buy their tumbleweeds from Prairie Tumbleweed Farm," Katz says proudly.

Hollywood has also come calling. Katz's tumbleweeds have appeared in films like Johnny Depp's "Neverland." And she has supplied tumbleweeds to the big purple dinosaur kid's show, "Barney."

Katz says people usually use her tumbleweeds to recreate the look and feel of the old west for theme parties. But some customers tell her they buy tumbleweeds to remind them of the home on the prairie they left long ago.

That's it. I'm gonna go into the dandelion business. I mean, I got plenty of 'em in my backyard & obviously there's gotta be SOMEBODY out there wacko enough to buy them. Anyone wanna join me? Cuz, I don't know about you, but an extra $40,000 a year selling weeds sounds peachy to me.

You have GOT to look at this!!!

2008-04-28T23:58:49Z

Look closely at the package. Just below the words Fresco Lavado....

Don't forget this brand of fresh lettuce, folks. What probably happened is, the water the lettuce was washed in contained polliwogs and these became fresh new frogs, right in the packages. So if you're looking for salad fixins with a little more body, then be sure and try this brand. Don't forget, it's the extra care that Mexican companies take that makes the difference.

Pictures taken...

2008-04-19T02:50:55Z

...at just the right angle:

I can relate...

2008-04-17T21:02:37Z

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him 'Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!'

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

In These Moments - 5/?

2008-04-17T17:22:23Z

Title: IN THESE MOMENTS 5/?
Author: candycentric - AKA Cc
Genre: romance
Pairing: M/A
Rating: PG
Type: Drabble/Series
Status: WIP

Summary:A series of loosely related, random drabbles showing a few small moments of how our favorite couple finally get together.

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS

Part Five:

**********

"She ain't here tonight"

"Who?"

"Max. She ain't here. Went with Logan to some fancy get-together or something"

"Right, Lifestyles of the Rich and Boring. No matter, just looking for a drink"

It was a lie. OC knew it. He knew she knew it. So why admit it out loud?

An eyebrow lifted and her eyes sparkled.

"Sure you weren't"

Alec sighed and took a drink.

"I love her, she's my Boo, you know? But sometimes... I wonder if she even knows what's going on in that head of hers"

A beat.

"Yeah... but how long is that gonna take?"

**********

Comments & criticism welcome and appreciated.

Rubbermaid Textures

2008-04-16T17:51:46Z

RULES: Credit is love. Comments are beautiful. Hotlinkers suck.

Download link + 2 larger textures HERE at creativity_bycc

What a dog!!

2008-04-15T04:34:53Z

OMG. You guys have GOT to watch this!!! It's hilarious!!

http://www.maniacworld.com/dog-having-a-blast-in-the-snow.html

Cc life update

2008-04-15T03:44:22Z

Well, since I haven't posted anything 'personal wise' in like... ages, here goes nothing!

Some of you may have heard I had left the Zoo

(well, sorta) and went and got me a new part-time, 30 hour a week position working for InfoNXX. (Information/411 operator) The hours were gourgeous, the pay was much better, the full benefit package was outstanding and I came home from work every week ready to CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP!! (Ame, I know you know what I'm talking about here!)

Seriously, I was expected to hace 30 second phone calls for hours at at time with absolutely no down time talking to complete MORONS and be cheery about it? WTF? Besides that, I came from a completely guest-services oriented evniroment and now I was instructed to basically do everything possible to get people off the line in the quickest way possible. Yeah, I don't think so...

So I'm now back at the Zoo. Where the pay is horrible, benefits consist of half price drinks, the new boss doesn't know what the flip is going on, there's a definite lack of hours, I'm outside all day in the rain, sleet, wind and snow and I get to yell at kids all day! Woot! I missed you Zoo! It's good to be back! :-P

However, it sucks to be broke again. I might be looking for another part/full time job here pretty soon. Any good ideas?

Moving on...

I need a new car.

If I hadn't told you, Cc drives a 2003 orange VW Beetle:

(Not my actual car, but close enough. Just add a spoiler to this one and you're there)

All my little life I had wanted a Bug (Beetle). So, after I started working and saved up a bit of $$, I brought one brand new off the lot. I absolutely adored it - and still do - but it's time for a change. It's just over 50,000 miles, has a couple minor dings, and a few slightly bigger issues electrical-wise. basically, I want to get rid of it before anything major goes wrong. ATM, according to Kelley Blue Book, the trade-in value is just over $7,000 and and private buyer value is a bit more then that. Which means I HOPE to get just enough to completely pay off my loan, plus have a bit extra left for a deposit on the next one, whatever that may be.

I think I'm gonna forget about looks/appeal, and just go for low pricing and high mileage. No sense in do anything else when gas is supposed to hit over $4.00 a gallon this summer. *chokes* Haven't really looked much, but I hear Scion's have reasonable prices and get just over 30/34 miles a gallon. Not bad, in fact it's over what I get now: 23/29. Neato!

Any suggestions? I don't think I'll be able to afford anything but used at the moment. Not since I quit Info... *sniff*

Mickey is going on a much needed diet! And this time, she is actually going to stick to it!!

I got me one of those little tickers, so everyone can (laugh) cheer me on at my (lack of) progress! It's at the bottom of my profile page. I set my goal for 30 and am going to make it darnit!! I'm a bridesmaid in like... 4 weeks, and barely fit into the dress. *facepalm* So, exercise every night and a diet shake every morning! blegh.

Concerts CC DESPERATELY wants to go to:

2008-04-11T01:24:11Z

So, I have been to a concert in just about forever and am dying to go! I was way excited when I heard about Steve Miller Band and Joe Cocker coming to Kansas City in July, only to get completely bummed when i realized I already had unchangeable plans that week. *pouts*

However! There are still 2 more possibilities!

Death Cab For Cutie! They'll be in Kansas City at the end of May, and I want to go so, so bad! I love their music. It's just funky and mellow and relaxing. And tickets are only $30!

and

Jack Johnson. How I love thee. Totally in my top 10 musicians of all time. I have already seen his concert once - about 2 years ago - and it was AMAZING. Definitely one of the best concerts I've ever been to. I'd do practically anything to see him again. And, his tickets are only $35! Still reasonable!

Now, if I can only find someone to drag with me. But, I doubt I will, which is the main reason I miss so many concerts - no one to go with! *sniff* Surely, I can find someone willing. Here's hoping...

candycentric @ 2008-04-08T09:18:00

2008-04-08T14:19:58Z

RR writers!! da_roundrobin has been updated!! Please go check it out!!

Mickey's To-Do List:

2008-04-02T15:09:58Z

In no particular order:

1) Clean bedroom!

2) Clean bathroom!

3) Find & post next fic in drabble series.

4) Clean out turtle cage.

5) Pay bills. (ugh)

6) Post 'color layers' GIMP tut over at NWP.

7) Give dogs a bath which means after I'll definitely need a:

8) Shower!

9) I don't actually have anything to say here, I just wanted to end on an even number.

10) Post more of Ferg's fics at RH!

Dang. Thats a lot to do in one day. :P Better get started!

Last post of the night, I swear!

2008-04-02T03:44:09Z

Lets all go look at Cc's beautiful new header!

candycentric - candycentric - candycentric
candycentric - candycentric - candycentric
candycentric - candycentric - candycentric

And yes, she IS aware that that the beautiful new header does not in fact match the beautiful new layout, but she has decided she simply does not care.

CC Blabbing on DA

2008-04-02T01:14:33Z

While googlinf for a site of Dark Angel quotes, I came across this in a forum:

"Max/Logan is the Buffy/Angel of Dark Angel, while Max/Alec is the Spike/Buffy. And B/A is death, so M/L's just gotta go."

Hehehehe. So true!

And, why I generally hate Alec in M/A fics? Because they are written by THESE CRAZY PEOPLE:

I'm pro Max/Alec only because I'm a fan of Alec and I realy enjoyed there *verbal foreplay* (bickering ) and I realy think they had cemestry together in there scenes, that and max was more bearible in alot of her scenes with Alec.

I am so glad I didn't get to know you better dear poster, for that comment totally would have earned you a bitch slap.

"I think, well since it was the last episode ever, that Logan should of Kissed Max and died. That would of been a good ending."

MWUAHAHAHA! Word! I totally feel a Logan bashing crack-fic coming on people! What do you say?!?

"Well, I have to tell you all that right now I'm thinking that Alec was too good for Max anyway (and I'm pretty sure I knew that all along)."

You SO did not just say that BITCH!

"The reason i say that is because you both think that Alec was to good for max... I disagree. In my opinion i think that Max was too good for Alec. Alec was cool and funny or whatever, but when it came down to it it would be Max that would go out on a limb to save some random person's life." ( From a MALE poster)

OMG I wanna have your babies. Seriously.

"I have stated it many times Alec was too good for her, but me being me believes theres hope that she could grow up stop being such a selfish bitch (of course she will always be a selfish bitch but she could improve) and stop putting Logan on that damn pedistal of supposed perfection, really only way she could see Alec as something more. It would have been nice to have seen another strong interesting female X5 as a cast member. I don't want for Alec to sit around and wait for Max to finally realize how great he is. It's her lost. And he can do much better than her. I don't want him to wait for her & stay completely celibate.

It would take ages for Max to finally realize that Alec is the guy for her, absolutely nothing wrong with him having his one-night stands and relationships with other female X5s, just that when she dose eventually split with Logan there’s the possibility she could get with him."

Yeah... This was the part where I stopped reading, cus I was realy afraid I just might punch my computer screen.

NOTE: Not trying to start any discussions/arguments here, just found some of these old posts intresting, amusing (and sometimes disturbing). LOL.

Yes, I know I have a very F*ed up view of my darling Max/Alec 'ship. Yes, I know I'm very opinionated. But you guys still love me! :D